How to stay awake: A primer by J.J. Dubin

Hey guys! J.J. Dubin here. How's everyone doin'?

Mommy's a little tired, so I told her to take a nap. Besides, staying up late is my new thing. In the past week, I've been up until 9:30 or later more times than not. That's over 2 hours past my usual bedtime!

So, you're wondering how I do it, aren't you? Let me offer this step-by-step guide:

1. Reach your arms up and pull your hair. That's right - give it a good tug.
Sounds simple, huh? Not so much for an infant. I mean, have you seen my arms? Reaching the top of my head is quite an accomplishment. Throw in the fact that I'm not exactly what you would call blessed with a full head of hair, and I'd say I'm probably eligible for some sort of award...
Don't be afraid to yank out a handful or two. I hear it grows back, yet a quick look at my daddy's noggin makes me a little skeptical.

2. Shriek like a little girl. Sure, you'll get laughed at, especially if you're NOT a little girl, but that high-pitched yelp will shock your system a bit and get the adrenaline going.

3. Sing. Seriously. Sing a song. Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear. Just sing (BTW, I didn't make those words up - mommy sings them to me all the time. Maybe she made them up or maybe she heard them on the radio or read them in the Scene. I'm not sure).
Anyway, back to what I was saying, if the yelling takes too much energy, try singing. It will keep you occupied, create some noise to keep you awake, yet allow you to build up the energy to shriek a little more once your eyes start drooping.

4. Ah yes. Your eyes. They may be stinging. They may feel REALLY good when you shut them, but don't give in. Rub them with your fists. Grind your knuckles into them.
Then, try to hold your eyelids open REALLY WIDE and don't blink. I've only fallen asleep like this once. It sure freaked my mommy and grandma out.

5. Blow raspberries. It will break the monotony of singing, yet not use the energy that shrieking requires.

6. I just learned my final trick the other day. It was an accident - one might call it serendipity. I was blowing raspberries, and reached up to rub my eyes, and didn't have the strength to reach my peepers. Instead, I rubbed my raspberry blowing mouth with my forearm. The result was quite pleasing.
Since then, I've practiced, and can make this "bub a bub a bub bub bub" noise by rubbing my hand across my lips while I'm blowing raspberries. It's pretty awesome. Can you tell I'm impressed with my newfound skill?

I hope you find my tips on staying awake helpful. If you have any of your own that you'd like to share, just send them my way. I'd like to continue to build my repertoire.

Hope everyone's having a great week between Christmas and New Year's. I'd also like to take a moment to make a shout out to some special ladies who might be reading this. You know who you are... How YOU doin'?

-JSD, Jr. (Just call me J.J.)